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FA Cup poem 2021 II (remember going straight into R3, that was cool)

[obvs listen on Ringing The Blues for true experience]

In Buckinghamshire, north and south
We know our beasts, we watch our mouth
The swan’s our symbol, that sacred bird
Nice in an omelette, or so I’ve heard

The Queen protects her tasty beasts
We fear their beaks and plan no feasts
But outside Bucks, the rules are hazy
Animal welfare; it’s all gone crazy

In Peterborough the scene is mad
Swans for brunch, hounds gone bad
In salty Plymouth they harpoon whales
In Colchester you’ll find few cats with tails

But worst of all; the cold north east
“surely they care for primates at least!”
Well please sit down and prepare for a thriller
We need to discuss how they treat gorillas

The story goes that one day in history
A sailor washed up; a man of mystery
Three foot three, a sturdy tail
“Probably French, stick him in jail”

Hartlepool’s leaders, full of rage
Went to see this thing in its cage
“String him up, he’s an evil spy
We sentence this Frenchman to die”

Except of course this isn’t true
It was online content from 1862
Written by a man called Ned
But like the monkey, he’s now dead

Every club needs an icon
Even if it’s some sort of lie/con
Hartlepool have an ape so bony
Wycombe have a man called Tony

Whoever prevails in Saturday’s game
Will struggle to match the worldwide fame
Of a sentenced monkey hanging sadly
A simian sailor whose life went badly


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