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Score prediction - Bolton

Since everything in the garden is rosy, let me attempt to resurrect the (fanciful) score prediction threads of two seasons ago:

Buoyed by the innumerable summer signings and several pints of Rebellion with Pete Couhig in the car park beforehand, Gareth names himself in the starting eleven and bags an early hat-trick against the predictably porous back four of Bolton who fail to turn up after half their remaining players refuse to turn out without receiving their back pay and the other half are told by their mums that they can't play because they'll miss their bed time.

Wanderers 48 - Bolton Kitmen 0

Comments

  • Wycombe players turn up to find put they have no idea who anyone is and so.allow a QPR loanee playing for Bolton to tap one in unopposed in the 92nd minute.

  • @Wendoverman said:
    Wycombe players turn up to find put they have no idea who anyone is and so.allow a QPR loanee playing for Bolton to tap one in unopposed in the 92nd minute.

    48-1?

  • And bayo having registered his 12 for the season in the first game signs a contract with the NFL

  • @Wendoverman said:
    And bayo having registered his 12 for the season in the first game signs a contract with the NFL

    He is then sent out on loan to QPR.

  • Without a single player registered, Bolton are forced to pick eleven fans from the crowd, including 'Big Irene' in goal. The match is a predictable mauling, with Allsopp scoring a hat trick of fluke long rangers as Blues romp to a 37-0 win. However, and despite Bolton breaking all rules on player registration, the EFL notice Park Life doesn't feature any player profiles for the visitors, charge Wycombe with failure to show due respect and award the 3 points to the Trotters.

  • Pigs swilling at troughs
    Hopes and dreams shaken apart
    Trotters fans pay price.

  • It's going to be one way traffic in our favour.

    1-0

  • Just to avoid too much hubris on our part: Adam El-Abd and Anthony Stewart given a torrid time by the telepathic big man/spirit combination of the Bolton coach driver and The Ghost Of Nat Lofthouse up front. Bolton win 2-0 but game ordered to be replayed due to unregistered opening of portal to the afterlife (which UEFA reserve for Sepp Blatter's personal use).

  • Bolton field a backline of four skinny, 5'7 teenagers hastily recruited from their youth team. Bayo duly scatters them like ninepins and after conceding a record 89 fouls in the opening 4 minutes is shown a second yellow card.

    Bolton dig in against the ten men, with Ainsworth forced into three substitutions before halftime as Stewart, Bloomfield and Kashket all decide to just get picking up their annual long term injury over and done with. In the blazing sun, the tired 10 in blue start to fade and a late Allsop error gives Bolton a 1-0 win.

    Rob Couhig is appalled and withdraws his offer, telling Trev he wants his money back, including a refund for all those hats his wife bought (I mean, who even buys 32 hats? I don't even know 32 people, let alone like any of them enough to buy them a hat). The Rebellion is a bad batch and we all get gut rot, the big screen fails and the new ticketing system crashes, leaving thousands of Wycombe fans locked out of the game. Furious, they attempt to storm the pressbox and Alan Hutchinson decks the lot of them. The Vere Suite runs out of crisps.

  • @Jonny_King the idea of this thread is that it’s supposed to be far-fetched...

  • Genius Jonny King, and being Wycombe at least 60% of that could come true!

  • @DevC said:
    Pigs swilling at troughs
    Hopes and dreams shaken apart
    Trotters fans pay price.

    I would greatly appreciate a pre-match haiku every week, cheers Dev!

  • @Malone said:
    It's going to be one way traffic in our favour.

    1-0

    Wasn't a million miles off with this!
    Though it should have been about 8-0 in the end!

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