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Which Wycombe player are you?
The ball is high in the Adams Park air above you. What do you do?
a) Leave it for someone else to deal with.
b) Pluck the ball out of the air with a single hand, breaking a finger; ruled out for a month.
c) Look like you’re about to head the ball, but then duck underneath it and let it out for a throw-in.
d) Head the ball and anything else anywhere near it into the middle of next week.
e) Let the ball bounce, half-turn your body, then jump up and volley the ball at waist height because you’ve temporarily forgotten this is League 1 and think you’re a 1970s Brazilian.
f) Chest it down and motor past any nearby attackers. Tweak hamstring.
g) Head the ball to another player who runs thirty yards to score a meaningless consolation goal, wildly celebrate in front of the terrace like you’ve scored the winner in a cup-final.
h) Attack the ball without completely knowing which body part is most likely to make contact, and watch in surprise as it disappears off in an unexpected direction.
i) Kill the ball with your first touch, spin around on a sixpence, and pass it on.
j) Take a touch, wait for two opposition players to challenge, outmuscle both and keep possession.
k) Let it bounce, run underneath it, briefly pause in exasperation as some supporters moan that you’ve never been good enough for this level, turn around sprint back and make superb covering tackle.
l) Bring it down with the outside of your foot, dribble gracefully with it across the pitch without breaking a sweat, and try to remember which position you’ve been asked to play this week.
m) Jump a foot from the ground and attempt an outlandish flick with your heel.
n) Sprint towards it like a long jumper, leap up and try to cushion a pass for yourself down the wing with your left instep.
o) Back into the defender behind you because everyone is a foot and a half taller than you.
p) Back into the defender behind you, let the ball bounce, lean over it with as much of your body as possible, win a free-kick.
q) Somehow win a header, despite three defenders pulling your shirt, flick on to nearest teammate, then throw hands up in the air as a free-kick is given against you.
r) Watch the ball from the bench and wonder again why you can’t manage to get in the team.
s) Whatever the outcome of this particular period of the ball being in the air, continue to do a fantastic job with the resources at your disposal.
a) You’re Ryan Allsop
b) You’re Yves Ma-Kalambay
c) You’re Joe Jacobson
d) You’re Adam El-Abd
e) You’re Sido Jombati
f) You’re Anthony Stewart
g) You’re Jason McCarthy
h) You’re Marcus Bean
i) You’re Dominic Gape
j) You’re Curtis Thompson
k) You’re Matt Bloomfield
l) You’re Nick Freeman
m) You’re Paris Cowan-Hall
n) You’re Nathan Tyson
o) You’re Scott Kashket
p) You’re Alex Samuel
q) You’re Adebayo Akinfenwa
r) You’re Michael Harriman
s) You’re Gareth Ainsworth