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In this maddening period before the world gets in motion

Let's have a football film quiz. Clues are by quotes.

'well it's a long way to England. And it's that way'



  • You missed the words “Mr Crocker”. But I suspect that would have made it easier.

  • "Denis Law's in the wash this week"

  • My beautiful laundrette.

  • Or maybe Kes (I cheated).

  • Correct @micra, from a memorable 7 minutes or so of a bullying, cheating PE teacher from hell taking his class for football.

  • OK, I'm in.

    "I want to find the real Dorothy. The one underneath the football shirt"

  • Gregory's girl? @Wig_and_Pen

  • “Try and make it a clean break, will ya!”

  • Escape to Victory!

  • "I know a chap in London who organises charity matches. Show business, that sort of thing."

  • Got one for you: In which film is a winning goal scored by the burst match ball being blown over the line?

  • Bedknobs and Broomsticks

  • I queued at the ABC in Nottingham to witness that match.

  • Didn't even have to think about it. Great darts @Wendoverman.

  • @jonny_king or head full of useless **** if you ask Mrs W

  • @vital, Correct, Gregory's Girl.

    Try this:

    "Don't tell me. The offside rule is when the French mustard has to be between the teriyaki sauce and the sea salt."

  • These lines were spoken by a real life Arsenal manager in a film, longer ago than you might think:
    “They don’t play your game, they play the attacking game” and “It’s one-nil to the Arsenal, that’s the way we like it”.

  • My last contribution was too easy, given that the Porridge film had been referenced in another thread recently, so here's another.

    "From the first kick of the ball
    Until the final whistle
    Who could have imagined that in the future
    An ordinary day like this
    Might be forgotten or remembered
    As anything more or less significant
    Than a walk in the park."

  • Is that the Zinedine Zidane film? Can't remember it's name, possibly just Zidane.

  • Here's one: "Less of a young professional - more of an ancient amateur. But frankly, I'm an absolute dream."

  • @MindlessDrugHoover Yes, that one - "Zidane: A 21st Century Portrait".

    Excellent soundtrack by Mogwai, and the 23 minute or so untitled hidden track on the soundtrack album is perfect when played loud for torturing family and neighbours; and, indeed, yourself.

  • edited June 2018

    ' Eight-one! Eight-bloody-one!' admittedly not a fillum

  • But a footie classic nonetheless - got to be Ripping Yarns - Golden Gordon.

  • (from which Half Man Half Biscuit got the title of their album `McIntyre, Treadmore and Davitt')

  • @MindlessDrugHoover on the nose on both counts!

  • Thanks @Wendoverman That's brought back some memories; random scenes from the Ripping Yarns series' will be popping into my head for days now.

    I know it was fiction but, with minor adjustments to bring it into modern times, I reckon that Gordon Ottershaw tale could be a true story about a number of real-life non-league clubs to this day.

  • I know @Uncle_T it's that shot of him walking purposefully and angrily down the road and his missis knowing he's about to trash the house! I seem to recall in the olden days bad results at Forest and County would lead to a strange pressurised silence in many a boozer and front room.

  • In case anyone has never seen that episode, it's here and well worth seeing -

    Highland League club Fort William could doubtless make a decent claim to be a modern day Barnstonworth.

  • I know the World Cup's started, but here's one now my internet's no longer up the swanny. See if you can get which cult classic this quote's from

    "If they've got square flags on the pitch, the crowd knows they're on fücking telly! 'Cos the square flag is like a telly."

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