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In case you need any help deciding who to vote for in the election



  • Jeremy Corbyn has described himself as a 'friend' of Danny Hylton.

  • Theresa May said last week that Danny Hylton was 'the most despicable human being I've ever met'. But after realising on a countryside walk that this could lose her approximately 17 votes, she's announced today that she's divorcing her husband and has moved Hylton into her No. 10 love nest.


  • edited May 2017

    Corbyn has repeatedly condemned diving and cheating by all teams, but looked to encourage the likes of Hylton to change their ways through peaceful dialogue. Judging by that policy, even he realises there's a limit to what 'jaw jaw' can achieve..

  • Nicola Sturgeon said that following Hyltons exit from the vertical she would be calling for indiref 2, furthermore she insisted that when she said the last referendum would be a once in a generation she was talking about her vast collection of hamsters.

  • When asked about how we could possibly afford to pay Hylton's wages, Diane Abbott explained that we would offer him a £30 a week contract.

    This figure was later confirmed by the club.

  • edited May 2017

    Donald Trump repeatedly called Hylton "a loser" last night at a press conference in Saudi Arabia.

  • Donald Trump has confirmed that he prefers Hylton's sister Paris, although she has also been filmed lying down

  • Responding to a question about Danny Hylton, Paul Nuttall replied that all immigrants should be deported.

  • In order to ensure that Hylton never plays for England, Corbyn has proposed nationalising Messi and Ronaldo

  • Theresa May missed last night's Leaders' Debate with 'a cold'...

  • Caroline Lucas refused to comment on the Hylton to Wycombe speculation, it appears her association with the Chairboys has ended following the promotion of FGR to the Football League.

  • I understand in the past Jezza has described Danny Hylton as a hero, a footballing icon and an example to every man woman and child that kicks a ball as he struggled under the yoke of restrictions imposed under the draconian iron fist of the Football League...but since his hairstyle changed he wants the bastard shot...(although he still respects the original views of Hylton and his comrades with regard to some interpretations of the rules.))

  • Pop this on Facebook @Wendoverman. Response could be interesting, if a little disrespectful.

  • Nicola Sturgeon wants a referendum on the independence of Hylton, and will accept the decision as long as it's the one she wants

  • @micra I understand Facebook is a horrible place full of horrendous views and old people making puns, so I avoid it.

  • @Wendoverman does mean the Gasrooms full of gobshite youths who feel entitled to slag off players after a couple of seasons on the terrace.

  • Theresa May......but Diane Abbot.

  • @Morris_Ital I would never say that...

  • @Wendoverman of course not and not that such a group even exists;)

  • @Morris_Ital Like Bigfoot...I've heard tell..but never seen any concrete evidence.

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