It's okay, and all that... (thank-you, Chairboys)
Firstly, I hope you've all had a great Christmas and enjoy a prosperous 2025.
I spoke to Phil about making this post and thought it might be helpful to some, particularly at this time of year.
I consider myself very lucky to have a loving, supportive family and my dream job. I don't claim to be bigger or better than anyone else - far from it. But I have had some wonderful experiences covering football and cricket for my newspaper and more recently, via the airwaves with Phil.
Anyway, the long and the short of it is that this time last year, I found myself in a pretty dark place. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter how or why. It happened. I was a typical middle-aged bloke, who thought I could muddle my way through. My wife recognised the signs. I got help, and twelve months later I'm in a better place, mind-wise. It didn't happen all at once, but talking to the right people and being in the right places has given me a stable platform.
As I mentioned, I feel very lucky to have covered sports at the highest level. And I'm sure most of you are aware that my agencies football-wise have always been towards my local club here in south-east Essex. Nevertheless, when seeking solace from mental health, home isn't always where the heart is.
When needed, I've been describing the action alongside Phil for the best part of a decade now. However, with my eyes now wide open, this past year I have come across some wonderful people at Adams Park - from within the club as well as in the stands - who have made me feel welcome and a small part of something. For that, I will forever be grateful. Make no mistake, this is a very special football club.
Where football is concerned, what will be will be. As supporters, we can't do anything about it once the players cross the white line, only give them our support and hope they can do the rest.
That goes for each other as well. Mental health can sneak up on you without warning. It weighs you down with self-doubt, anguish and anger. But if you need to talk, there is plenty of support out there. Don't be afraid to ask, nor for that matter to ask someone if they are okay and if they need help.
I don't particularly want to dwell on how I was feeling and how it was affecting my life, but if this post helps just one person come through the other side, then it has served its purpose.
As I said at the start of the post, have a prosperous 2025.
Up the Chairboys - Much love - Jeevesie x
Comments
I have a very similar story Brian, if you ever need a stranger to talk to Phil has my number.
Thank you for your efforts on commentary, always entertaining and knowledgeable, and regularly insightful too. You’re a part of this club now, and a very welcome part.
Remember too that we sponsor the Samaritans through the score prediction thread. They are available to talk to at any time 24/7 on phone free on 116 123 or by emailing [email protected]
Well said everyone and thanks Brian for sharing your story. I'm sure it will help people.
The Samaritans really are an amazing charity. I have personally used their help. It can be very helpful to chat to a stranger about things that are beginning to get on top of you.
Good to see that you are in a better position and long may that continue. As I always say to people you always have to put health and family first. Keep up the cracking commentary that you deliver and have good 2025.
Wonderful post @BrianJeeves68 - sorry to hear of your struggles but very pleased to hear that you're now in a better place.
Thanks for all you do on the commentaries - the best compliment I can give you is that I do a silent cheer when I hear your voice at the start of the broadcast! No disrespect intended to the other excellent co-commentators, but you and Phil together really are the dream team. With two young kids and living over an hour away I only get to AP very rarely at the moment, so please don't underestimate the impact you have helping fans like me remain connected to our wonderful club.
Thank you Brian for sharing, so glad you are in a better place now. drcongo is absolutely right you are one of ours now & we are so pleased to have you on commentary with the incomparable Phil.
As you say it is so important that we talk about mental health, not only as a general subject but also much more importantly how we are feeling, as DevC says there are some great support services out there but equally talking to an aquaintance who has some empathy can also help; as often it is the simple act of airing how we are feeling that helps start our journey to a better place. I have been lucky to have good people around me who helped when I needed it and learnt as part of my struggles with addiction how important it is to talk about how I feel & to be honest about my emotions; it & they have kept me clean for over 32 years now. I now offer an understanding & empathetic ear to my friends & acquaintances as my way of paying back the help I got.
Thank you for being brave enough to share. Many of us have probably been in similar situations but as blokes as you said.... we try to muddle on and get on with it. It's inspiring and helpful for us to share such stories. I'm glad you are on the mend now and I'm grateful for all your efforts and knowledgeable inputs along side phil.
Top bloke
Thanks for sharing, Brian. I’m sorry to hear you’ve had a bad time but glad to hear you’re recovering. Sharing and talking are the most effective tools and already the responses show how much your post resonates and how helpful it will be to many.
Thanks for sharing Brian. It's alot harder to do especially when you're in a dark place, but talking helps.
I'm off to a Gamblers Anonymous meeting now I'm secretary of. Normally it's a Wednesday night but we've moved it around due to Christmas and New Years day being Wednesdays this year.
For me I get more benefit talking and especially listening to like minded people who understand me and I understand them. For too long I was told just to stop, or control it or as those shitty adverts say when the fun stops, stop.
Funny thing is some weeks we don't even talk about gambling but it's important to check in and just remember the horrible situation Gambling got me in. Thinking on they where all strangers to me when I first started going but now I class some of them as proper mates and feel comfortable sharing anything that goes on in my head.
Sorry not trying to hijack this thread or anything I think I'm trying to say if you don't know want to talk to a stranger and you have an idea what the problem is then there's plenty of help out there for you.
Brian, thank you for feeling able to share your story. I have managed to muddle through dealing with my own mental health issues for the last 15 years. I’m glad to say I have come through the other side and now feel able to talk about it.
If I had my time again I would 100% choose talking to my family about my troubles from the start.
Terrific post👍
Inspiring and very supportive post, thanks Jeevsie. Sorry to hear about the difficult times but wonderful you are able to share and care for others too.
You and Phil on the commentary is a great listen and you are clearly a true football fan. I enjoy your (relatively) neutral reflections. I don’t know how the selection works but I hope you end up supporting Phil for many more commentaries.
Excellent post this, and lovely to see this sentiment echoed by all the comments. As so many have said, there are some excellent support services out there.
Like Ryan, I don’t mean to derail the thread, but as of today I’m 2431 days sober (my last drink was actually in the bar before we played Stevenage at home when Blooms scored, we won 1-0 and lifted the third place ‘trophy’). If anyone is ever struggling with alcohol and would like to talk about it, please just drop me a DM and I will always be there for you!
Great post, wish you and all chairboys and girls all the best in the future and over what can be a very difficult period for lots of people as much as it's enjoyable for many.
The fans here like you and Phil as a pair for your enthusiasm and honesty as much as the entertainment and insight and if we can't be there we couldn't have better representatives. Hope you keep on enjoying it for many years and as others have said you are very welcome as part of our odd little family at the end of an industrial estate in the Chiltern hills.
Thank you @BrianJeeves68 for taking the time to share this. I echo what you and others have said regarding the benefits of talking, either directly about what troubles us, or about other matters, with people who can listen with empathy. I have both lived experience of mental ill-health and work in NHS mental health services and whilst we aren’t perfect, we are there. You are never a burden, never less deserving than someone else, never too late to be helped.
Who knew the power of The Gasroom and Wycombe Wanderers?
Wishing everyone good mental health.
It's great to be reminded that it's good to talk and that we are supporting a great service with our predictions.
Happy New Year @BrianJeeves68 and all other posters struggling with or succeeding in keeping their demons at bay. We live in difficult times and though it may not seem like it, the majority of people would offer help and support if they were aware.
All the very best @BrianJeeves68 . You are most welcome on here whenever you like ! I wish you happiness and health.
I've never had to go through anything like this myself, but I have had a family member really struggle in the past, so really do know how good it is, and how much it helps to talk. I'd like to think I'm a really good listener if nothing else.
As others have said, welcome to the Wycombe family... you're one of us now !
Wonderful post @BrianJeeves68. Well, it’s not but it is. If you know what I mean.
I refuse to believe there isn’t a single person amongst us that hasn’t felt (or won’t feel at some point) the crushing lows of a mental health crisis. I think it’s important for those to talk about there problems and break the taboo.
What can really spin you out - as it did me - that this can happen in the middle of when other things in you’re life can seemingly be going so well - if not to you, then certainly to others around you. “Why do I feel like this when I am so lucky to have what I have” is a question I have asked many times.
My example of this is that my two favourite pictures of my kids that we have on the wall of my house were taken by me, while they were 2 and 4(ish) playing in the back garden in a glorious sunny day having the time of there lives.
Me?
Those pictures come with a reminder that that day, and while I was taking those pictures, the kids playing nicely was fucking annoying the tits off of me.
I didn’t know why, but I did know at the time it wasn’t right. I knew something about “me” was the problem. It still took me about a year/18 months to realise the problem was probably the job I had at the time.
Fast forward a lot of detail that probably doesn’t need to be said right now, I’m retrained and self employed, in a better place and with the memory of my wife saying that I apparently smiled as an instinctive first reaction -the first time I had done that in a very long time - before answering the simple question of “how was your day?”
I’m not fixed though. We all have our ups and downs. Give yourselves and others some space and understanding. Listen when they are ready to talk. Be ready to talk your truth when someone doesn’t want to tell you theirs. They might just want a space of acceptance to talk when they are ready.
While I’m here let be a little self indulgent in telling another story that I hope will make you stop and think.
It must have been 20/25 years ago - I worked in retail as a store manager. It was Christmas Eve about an hour or two before closing time and in came a customer wanting a particular item. One we had sold out of a couple of days before.
When I had to sadly informed the customer of this there reaction was:
“Well I hope you’re fucking happy now? This was the one thing my kid wanted for Christmas and it’s now ruined because of YOU!” Plus about 10 more minutes of ranting and raving.
My reaction as a (probably) cocky over promoted twenty something was to snap back at if of “We can only stock a certain amount of items, maybe you should have thought about shopping before Christmas Eve” etc etc.
A response I, and many others, may think was a reasonable one, given the last minute nature of the shopping trip. Especially as I felt upset and hurt at the accusation and responsibility lumped on me that I ruined a kids Xmas.
It took me ages - I’m talking 20 years and going through my own mental health issues - to think about this and realise there’s retrospective questions to ask:
What made him react that way?
Why was he leaving it so late to do Xmas shopping?
Bad planning or the old traditional early payday before Xmas and his only disposable cash for the year?
Was that the only present that kid was meant to get on Xmas day?
What was going on in that guys world for him to get to that point?
When you see someone go off on one over something seemingly trivial - I’m willing to bet a lot of money (and I don’t gamble) that there’s a lot going on we can’t see or don’t know about.
So to repeat a line in my previous post “give yourself and others space and understanding”. Maybe I’m actually a hugely glass half full guy, but I refuse to believe the vast majority of people are arseholes. Some are. But either way, there’s reasons and things going on that make them act/react that way.
if you see a friend, family member, relative stranger act completely out of character, Be someone willing to help and listen rather than potentially escalate the situation.
Its ok to not be ok.
As a constant reader, but infrequent poster, I feel moved to respond.
I have never had any such problems but well done to Brian and others on here for being brave enough to choose to post and to all Gasroomers (and Admin) for making this such a great and safe place for all manner of tribal / cultural / educational and inspiring exchanges. Long may it continue to entertain (and help) us all.
Oh, and COYB, Nick Freeman etc.
Can't stress the importance of Samaritans enough. I lost two acquaintances to suicide this year. Just guys I'd see around and share basic pleasantries with. The effect on those who really knew and loved them would likely have shocked them and in their most desperate hours they likely imagined no one cared about them that much. Just having someone to listen could have made all the difference. Not everyone can be saved from the very depths of despair but many can. And every single one of those is immeasurably important.
Top man Brian. @BrianJeeves68
Thanks you @BrianJeeves68 for your message, as you say if it helps even one person take a single step towards a better place then it worth sharing.
In that frame of reference I'll share my own very small piece of wisdom - given to me so many years ago I've forgotten by whom and when.
When you're in a stressful situation - often for me that's encountering road rage - remember its not about how the other party reacts, but rather its how you act that matters. Stay calm, be courteous and remember you don't know what's going on in their lives not they yours.
Have a good 2025 everyone, stay strong.
I must say, I have been completely overwhelmed by the response to my post. It is reassuring to know that we have each other's backs.
Wishing you all a Happy New Year.
Thank you, everyone - much love, Jeevesie 🙏
Up the Chairboys!
I fucking love the Gasroom! What a great bunch we have on here.
All very different, all opinionated in our own way. All unique.
But all essentially a decent group of humans bought together by our love for our beloved Chairboys.
We all have eachothers best interests at heart, even if we don't always agree on the football side of life!
But.... football is a game. Life is something entirely more precious.
Wishing you all a happy, healthy and prosperous 2025 ladies and gents 🙏
A brave and inspiring post Brian, thank you.
As many have said above, talking and asking if people are ok generally lead to a better place over time.
I’ve learnt through training on Mental Health and Suicide it’s important to ask and check in.
A best friend of mine was overwhelmed in every part of his life, leading to a very dark place. We agreed what responses he was giving meant he wasn’t ok when I asked him “how are you” or “how’s it going”
We agreed if he said, “all good” or “I’m fine” that we’d then move to a specific question about his thoughts and feelings.
He could never make the first move and needed the direct questioning to start talking.
Andy’s Man Club was a big help to him initially and he has also found solace through going to groups run by the church, although he is not religious.
There is help out there, always ask if you are worried about someone. Happy to be be DM’d by anyone that wants to talk.
Happy New Year!
A hugely important thread this and thank you to everyone who has contributed with their own story.
Just a quick note on The Samaritans; they are not there solely for people who are having suicidal thoughts. I used to think this myself but they are so much more. Think of them as simply a person on the end of the phone if there is "anything" on your mind you'd like to talk about.
A truly wonderful charity. The number of people they must have helped over the years will be astronomical
I have a friend who answers calls for the Samaritans and she told me about quite how often she’d get sex pests calling in. So while Eric is right, please don’t do that.
I’m probably of an age that you would call ‘still very young’ - and I certainly feel that way at times. 2024 was an amazing year for me, but just a few years back in 2019-2020 I had some of the worst years of my life. I suffered with panic attacks regularly. I had a couple of different issues that landed me in hospital and on a heart tracker. At the time, I was arrogantly lacking in self awareness, constantly reiterating thoughts to myself that “this shouldn’t be happening to me in my early twenties.” It is only as I’ve become more introspective, began journalling and really tried to learn about how my brain operates that I managed to smoothen things.
I’m not sure where I’m going with this post, but as someone who very luckily finds it easy to talk to friends and family about all of the above, I think I have two bits of advice.
1) Talking has always made things better. Your support network is always better than you think it is. Offloading the stress through venting is healthy.
2) Journalling and other methods of introspection and self-evaluation are very helpful to navigating your way to a more balanced mind.
Many of you will be far more experienced in life than I am and I’m sure you’ve all got excellent advice too. This is just what worked for me.
Happy new year to all Gasroomers. I know I can push a few buttons on here but I do love reading all of your opinions. This is an excellent forum filled with excellent people.
Well yeah, when I said "anything"....
It would be a lie to deny that the phone lines are sometimes abused by sex callers - the nature of the service means that it is one of the few numbers such people can call without fear their call will be traced. Many of such calls actually come from guys inside as Sam’s number is one of the few prisoners , often locked up in their cells 23 hours a day, can access. Volunteers are trained to recognise and end such calls but there is no doubt it can be upsetting especially to female volunteers.
Sam’s volunteers are just ordinary people. If you can spare say three hours a week and feel you can listen without judgement or bias, I am sure your local branch ( I think there is one in Amersham) would be delighted to hear from you.
Perhaps not quite in the tone of this thread but what the f@ck, money to keep the service going is hard to find in the cost of living crisis. All donations gratefully received!!
https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/gasroomfundraising